Valentine’s Day can be difficult for some people, especially those who have recently lost a loved one. Something as simple as a grocery store display can be triggering.
Fortunately, there are several things you can do to lift your spirits on Valentine’s Day, like going out with friends or doing things that make you feel close to your loved one.
This article offers several tips backed by statistics you can trust.
Introduction
When February rolls around, romance seems to be everywhere. Every store is filled with red and pink hearts, while social media advertises events for lovers. It can be delightful for those in love, but extremely painful for someone who is alone, especially if they have recently lost a loved one.
Grief is a difficult emotion, and it can easily be triggered on Valentine’s Day and other sentimental occasions. Pain may be unavoidable, but there are ways to get through it while staying as positive as possible. This article will provide tips to guide you.
Why Valentine’s Day Can Be Triggering
You’re not the only one who feels triggered on Valentine’s Day. It’s a common emotion for anyone who lost a loved one, whether through a breakup or a death. Here are some factors that contribute to these emotions:
The holiday amplifies what’s missing through marketing, social pressure to be in love, and special events. They train the brain to form memories of rituals, making the holiday a ‘grief hotspot’.
The psychology behind the holiday intensifies grief. Everyone seems happy, making you feel more alone. You also focus on loss beyond your loved one, considering how it impacts your identity and future plans.
People who feel sad on Valentine’s Day may think they are not healing or that they are failing to move on.
For many people, all the hype around Valentine’s Day is more than a reason to feel down in the dumps. It’s not unusual to lose your appetite, be unable to sleep, or experience anxiety and irritability when the holiday rolls around.
“Families have told us that grocery store displays, heart-shaped candy boxes, and couples-based advertising can feel brutal after a loss. Even people who are coping ‘okay’ can become triggered by these reminders, reawakening feelings of grief.”
Coping with Grief on Valentine’s Day
Happiness may seem like too tall an order, but there are several things California families can do to make the holiday more pleasant and easier to get through. Here are some recommendations:
1. Spend time remembering your loved one.
You may not be able to spend the day with your Valentine, but you can keep their memory alive by doing something they liked or by engaging in an activity you enjoyed together. For example, you may consider eating at a restaurant they loved, watching their favorite movie, or going to the park where you met. This can be a painful experience for some, but others will feel closer to their loved one, as if they are spending the holiday together.
2. Treat yourself and be your own valentine.
Your Valentine may not be around, but you can be your own Valentine by treating yourself. Take yourself for a spa day, binge-watch your favorite TV show, or pig out on your favorite food. Determine rituals you can create to indulge your feelings.
3. Ignore the holiday altogether.
Nothing says you have to honor Valentine’s Day at all, especially if it brings you pain. Instead of celebrating, consider scheduling something mundane that you need to do that day, like getting your car serviced. That sense of normalcy might help take your mind off the holiday.
4. Reframe Valentine’s Day.
Consider February 14th as an opportunity to celebrate platonic love rather than romantic love. Celebrate the people you love in your life by sending them Valentine’s Day cards and showing how much you care. In addition to helping yourself, you will also make others happy, including those who are alone, like you.
5. Go easy on yourself.
Maybe you simply can’t help it—this season bums you out. Don’t let it stress you out that you haven’t gotten over your loss or that you’re still in mourning. Give yourself some grace and acknowledge that you are trying your best. Grief takes time.
6. Volunteer or help someone else.
One surefire way to clear your head is to get into someone else’s. Volunteering offers several benefits which can be especially ‘wellness boosting’ for someone experiencing grief. It connects you with others and promotes ‘feel-good’ chemicals in the brain.
Take a yoga class, start hiking, or join a gym- all popular activities for SoCal residents. Whatever you decide to do, stay active. Endorphins and movement are scientifically proven to improve your mood.
8. Journal.
A 2002 NIH study reveals that journaling can lead to a significant reduction in anxiety and depression. Writing your feelings down can be an effective way of working through them. Start a grief journal to track how you feel and why you feel this way during Valentine’s Day. Putting your feelings on paper can be very therapeutic.
9. Make a donation to something your loved one loved.
Like volunteering, donating can boost well-being. A Psychiatric.org report reveals that small acts of kindness can make people feel better, and 57% of people surveyed felt better after giving to a charitable cause. Your donation will be even more meaningful if you donate to a cause your loved one would have supported.
Was he or she an animal lover? Consider giving to an animal shelter. Was a certain disease a cause of death? Donate to research. Do something that makes you feel good in a big way.
If you have been thinking of adopting a pet, Valentine’s Day could be the ideal day to do it. They will provide companionship when you’re feeling down and unconditional love. You will also improve the animal’s quality of life.
11. Watch a loved one’s favorite movie.
Watching any movie can promote a sense of normalcy and take your mind off your troubles. You may consider watching a movie about grief to learn ways to process death, or you may choose to watch your loved one’s favorite movie, so you can feel closer to them. Read our article “10 Movies About Grief and Loss” to explore your options.
12. Get their friends or family together for dinner and toast your loved one
“For some of us, in times of high stress, we are rejuvenated by being around others, and for others of us, we need time alone. Make sure you’re getting a balance and checking in with the people around you who know you well. See what they’re noticing about you. If you’re concerned that the grief has been more prolonged than you want it to be, seek support or therapy.”
A memory box is a small box you fill with items that remind you of your loved one, such as photos, pendants, letters, and Christmas ornaments. You can decorate it, add to it, and visit it whenever you want to feel close to your loved one. Valentine’s Day could be the perfect time to start that memory box, taking your mind off unhappy thoughts and helping you spend the day with your loved one in an unconventional way.
14. Plan a Future Event
You may have a tough time getting someone to commit to spending Valentine’s Day with you, but planning a future event can lift your spirits. Call a friend to schedule a coffee meet-up, or start planning a trip. Consider the best way to break out of your grief rut, and start making it happen.
We sometimes see families bring small tokens to a scattering garden or a memorial space on Valentine’s Day. It’s common for widows and widowers to still buy a card, cook a meal, or watch a favorite couples’ movie. We know this ongoing bond is normal and healthy.
Grief Coping Plan for Valentine’s Day
The following table provides guidelines for handling unexpected emotions on Valentine’s Day.
Situation You Might Face
What It Might Feel Like
An Action You Can Take
Triggers in public (Ads, displays, PDAs)
Sadness, irritability, shock
Plan routes that allow you to avoid these triggers
Social media overload
Comparing your life to others and feeling left out
Take a social media break or limit your online activity
Feeling pressure to be over it
Shame about still crying or being angry
Name your feelings and normalize them; engage in self-care activities
Intense loneliness
Feeling like the only person not celebrating
Connect to someone in a way that feels right for you, such as a low-pressure gathering or text
Wanting to feel close to your loved one
Searching for signs of them, replaying memories for a fear of forgetting them
Create a ritual that makes you feel close to them, like a memory box or watching a movie
Numbness or lack of emotions
Feeling nothing, going through the motions
Allow numbness without judgment, try a grounding activity like deep breathing or journaling
Overwhelming emotions
Unpredictable waves of crying, anger, or exhaustion
Listen to a soothing playlist, hold a comfort item, change plans if necessary
Not knowing how to talk about it
Dreading people asking what you’re doing for Valentine’s Day or minimizing your loss
Prepare answers such as, “I just lost someone important, so I’m taking it slow this year.”
Choose Opal Cremation
At Opal Cremation, we’re not grief experts, but we can help you determine the best way to honor your loved one, whether it be sea scatterings, ash diamonds, cremation jewelry, firework celebrations, or parting stones. We will connect you with SoCal providers and handle all the necessary paperwork, so you can relax.
We also offer direct cremation services in Orange County and Los Angeles, with truly all-inclusive prices. Unlike some competitors, we never tack on hidden fees or take advantage of families’ emotional state. With us, the price we quote is the price you’ll pay.
Is it okay if I don’t feel sad on Valentine’s Day?
Yes, grief is a strange emotion, and you never know how and when it’s going to hit you. If you’re not sad on Valentine’s Day, don’t worry. It doesn’t mean you loved the person any less.
How do I handle social media on Valentine’s Day while grieving?
Social media can be triggering on Valentine’s Day for someone who is grieving. You may decide to avoid it altogether, limiting interactions, or reminding yourself that posts are curated and not necessarily based on reality.
What if friends and family don’t understand why the day is so hard for me?
If friends and family don’t understand your grief, explain what the day means to you and ask for specific support, such as a check-in or text. If their reactions feel minimizing, set boundaries.
What if I feel guilty doing something enjoyable on Valentine’s Day?
Grief is common, but taking moments of comfort and pleasure are part of the healing process. Remind yourself that your loved one would want you to be happy.
How can I support a friend who is grieving on Valentine’s Day?
You can support a friend who’s grieving on Valentine’s Day by asking how they would like to spend the day, acknowledging their loss instead of avoiding it, offering practical support, such as meals and company, and respecting their wishes if they want solitude.
