‘Dying Well’ and the ‘Death Positive’ Movement
The death-positive movement addresses fears and stigmas surrounding death with a more open attitude that supports pre-planning and encourages people to explore their options.
Table of Contents
- Introduction
- The Fear of Death
- TMT as a Symptom of Thanaphobia
- What is the Death Positive Movement?
- How Can I Participate in the Death Positive Movement?
- Practices to Adopt in Your Life
- Table: Common Fears About Death and Death Positive Ways to Respond
- Opal is Here for the Cremation Conversation
- FAQs
- Additional Resources
Key Takeaways
- Many people in Los Angeles and throughout the world have a fear of death that can interfere with them making wills and planning. The death-positive movement aims to change that.
- The death-positive movement was founded by Caitlin Doughty, the founder of the Order of the Good Death, and can be embraced through meetings, workshops, and gatherings with like-minded people, or you can embrace it in life with an open-minded attitude.
- Being death positive doesn’t minimize grief or loss. It just encourages destigmatization. Beyond that, all attitudes are welcome.
Introduction
You’ve heard of the art of living well, but “dying well” is a more recent trend in the funeral and healthcare industry. It sounds like an oxymoron, as most people aren’t well when they die. But more people are joining the “death positive” movement, a mindset to reduce anxiety about the concept of death.
While people and organizations that back the movement don’t necessarily view death as a positive thing, they encourage people to embrace it as a part of living. They exist to dispel fears about dying and help society become more comfortable with it.
The Fear of Death
Death is a common fear, affecting much of the population. A 2023 review revealed 50% of COVID patients had thanaphobia (fear of death), encompassing 58.9% of people with chronic illnesses, 56.% of elderly people, 48.2% of healthcare workers, and 42.9% of the general population.
What fuels a fear of death? Here are some common factors:
- Fear of the unknown
- Fear of nonexistence
- Unresolved life issues, such as regrets and not reaching certain goals
- Separation from loved ones, including a fear that they will be lonely or require care
- Religious and spiritual beliefs, such as a fear of going to Hell
- Cultural taboos- the fact that some don’t want to talk about death makes it more frightening
- Trauma: Some may be frightened of the pain and trauma that comes with death
- Mental and Physical Health: People with anxiety and depression or those dealing with chronic illnesses may be more frightened of death.
TMT as a Symptom of Thanaphobia
For some, the fear of death is so strong that it motivates us. Knowing we have limited time gives us purpose. This theory, called the Terror Management Theory (TMT), was developed by cultural anthropologist Ernest Becker in the 1970s.
According to Becker, everyone has some level of death anxiety, but some people experience it more strongly than others. How does this fear manifest itself in our everyday lives? Here are some examples:
- Living Life to the Fullest: These individuals will try to make the most out of every moment of every day. They may create a bucket list and try to cross off as many items as possible by traveling across the country or parachuting out of an airplane.
- Symbolic Mortality: These people will want to leave something of themselves behind after death, such as art, or perhaps they will have children.
- Wellness Trends: For others, TMT is about denial. They may invest in plastic surgery to look younger or participate in wellness trends to turn back the clock.
What is the Death Positive Movement?
TMT isn’t necessarily a bad thing, especially if it motivates us rather than paralyzes us with fear. But the death-positive movement encourages us to see death as more of a part of life than something negative.
The name of the movement was first coined in 2011 by the founder of The Order of the Good Death, mortician Caitlin Doughty. Doughty was inspired by:
- The U.S. hospice movement (the first hospice opened in 1974)
- The Natural Death Act of 1976 (which allowed competent adults to refuse life-saving treatments)
- AIDS activism, which became powerful throughout the 1980s
The core tenets of the movement are as follows:
- To overthrow the notion that death harms society through discussion, art, and scholarship
- To adapt an open-minded attitude towards death, embracing natural curiosity rather than morbidity
- To change the narrative so that dead bodies aren’t dangerous and to empower personal involvement
- To ensure laws honor the wishes of the dead, regardless of identity (in other words, the death-positive movement aligns with civil rights that should extend beyond life)
- Death should be handled environmentally and sustainably.
- Families should know and document end-of-life wishes
- Open advocacy around death can change culture
“I believe that by hiding death and dying behind closed doors, we do more harm than good to our society.”
Caitlin Doughty, founder of The Order of the Good Death, from the article What Does Death Positive Mean?
How Can I Participate in the Death Positive Movement?
While there is no formal membership, people in Southern California can participate in the Death Positive Movement in the following ways:
- The Order of the Good Death: This organization hosts events, publishes resources, and highlights funeral industry professionals
- Death Cafes: Local gatherings often take place in funerals and libraries, allowing people to openly talk about death over tea or coffee. For example, the Coffin Club helps elderly people to openly discuss death in their community while also building their own coffins (yes, really!).
- Death Salons, Conferences, and Workshops: These events are focused on death education, green burial, and advanced care planning
Death-positive culture celebrates openness about death, but there are also families who don’t want to see the body and don’t want to know about cremation until it’s done. In some religions, cultures, and families, avoidance can be a way to cope- and that’s fine. As a cremation company, we welcome all attitudes, offer options, read cues, and support our clients’ boundaries.
Practices to Adopt in Your Life
You can also become more ‘death positive’ in your life with the following practices:
- Talking openly about death rather than treating it as taboo
- Making practical plans such as writing a will, advance directives, choosing a health-care proxy, and writing down funeral and body disposition preferences
- Being involved with death and dying by showing up for sick or dying friends and sitting vigil
- Learning about afterlife alternatives, such as green burial, human composting, and aquamation.
- Integrating death in your worldview through art, books, and spirituality
- Celebrating life rather than death with ash diamonds, keepsakes, cremation fireworks, sea scatterings, and parting stones.
If you’d like to talk through which of these might feel right for your family, Opal’s team is happy to help — no pressure, just a conversation.“
While the death positive movement can mean celebrating the lives of loved ones in a big way, it can also mean doing something small, especially if that honors the wishes of your loved one. As a direct cremation provider, we can tell you that there is no wrong way. Whatever feels right is fine.
Table: Common Fears About Death and Death-Positive Ways to Respond
| Common Fear About Death | How it Often Shows Up in Life | Death Positive Ways to Respond |
| Fear of the unknown | Avoiding wills and advance directives, and conversations with doctors and families | Learn basic end-of-life terms, attend a death café, ask a hospice or cremation team to walk you through the possible scenarios |
| Fear of nonexistence | Rumination and attempts to push it away by staying constantly busy | Explore books, podcasts, spiritual traditions, mortality, and journal about what gives your life meaning |
| Regrets and unfinished business | Guilt about past choices, and urgency to ‘fix everything’ | Make a repair list and fix one small action at a time, practice self-forgiveness, if necessary, seek professional help |
| Fear of pain and suffering | Extreme anxiety of the pain and suffering you will experience while dying | Learn the basics of palliative care and pain management to explore natural and medicated options |
| Fear of how others will cope | Worrying about how others will manage financially, physically, and mentally after you’re gone | Make post-life plans about how things will be managed without you. Discuss them with your family and document your wishes |
| Fear of judgment or a ‘bad’ afterlife | Anxiety about past choices and possible punishment in the afterlife | Talk with a spiritual leader to discuss more compassionate interpretations of your past choices and consider confessions or atonement |
| Fear of dying alone | Clinging to relationships to avoid living alone, anxiety about hospital and hospice care | Ask your care team or loved ones about presence at your bedside, consider involving yourself in community groups and volunteering so your presence is felt, even if no one is there |
Opal is Here for the Cremation Conversation
Opal understands that people in Los Angeles and Orange County have different attitudes toward death, and we are here to guide you through. Whether you’re thinking ahead, facing an imminent loss, or arranging cremation right now, we’ll answer your questions, explain how direct cremation works, help you understand your options, and make the best decision for yourself or your loved one.
Whatever stage you’re at — just thinking, planning ahead, or facing a loss right now — reach out to Opal Cremation of Southern California today. We’re here to talk, not to sell.”
FAQs
Isn’t talking about death morbid and depressing?
No, talking about and engaging with death displays natural curiosity, not morbidity. It can help you gain an appreciation for life and live more fully.
Does death positive mean I have to be okay with death or ignore grief?
No, death positive does not mean being indifferent to the pain of loss. It sees grief and mourning as natural and recognizes the importance of giving people space to process their emotions.
What does dying well mean in this context?
In this context, dying well would mean being comfortable and treated with dignity before death, having pain symptoms well-managed, having a say in medical decisions, being with chosen people or alone if that’s their wish, and having spiritual and cultural needs respected.
How is death positive different from being just okay with death?
You don’t have to be okay with your own death to be death positive. It’s more about allowing honest conversations about the fear and uncertainty of death, giving people accurate opinions about their options, and reducing stigmas about hospice, cremation, and burial.
Why does the movement say hiding death is harmful?
According to the movement, hiding death is harmful because it makes people avoid making wills and advance directives, delays hospice and palliative care, makes people feel blindsided by end-of-life medical decisions, and makes families feel extra guilt or confusion about death.
Isn’t talking about death morbid or bad luck?
Although some cultures consider talking about death to be morbid and bad luck, curiosity about mortality is normal. It also helps you identify your fears, reduce anxiety, and focus on practical planning.
