How to Say Goodbye to Someone in Hospice Care: A 2025 Guide for Families Facing Loss
Written by Troy Centazzo, Founder, and Elaine Valdez, Chief Operating Officer, of Opal Cremation
Saying goodbye to someone you love—especially during hospice care—is one of life’s most emotional moments. Whether you’re at the bedside or saying farewell from a distance, this period can be filled with uncertainty, grief, and profound reflection.
But it’s also a time when many families are quietly asking: What happens next? Who can we trust to help us with final arrangements? And how can we prepare in a way that honors our loved one with dignity and peace?
At Opal Cremation, we understand that families in Southern California need more than logistics and checklists—they need compassionate guidance, emotional clarity, and practical support with end-of-life planning.
To write this guide, we spoke to ten hospice and home healthcare professionals to gain their insights into how family members and friends can say goodbye to loved ones in hospice care. We came away from those conversations with a much greater understanding of the many ways one can say goodbye – and why saying goodbye is so important.
This guide is here to help you say goodbye—and begin thinking ahead with care.
The Importance of End-of-Life Conversations
Before diving into how to say goodbye, it’s important to understand why end-of-life (EOL) conversations matter so deeply. These discussions provide clarity, peace of mind, and a chance to offer or receive emotional closure.
Recent research underscores the value of these moments:
- A 2024 study in Death Studies found that survivors who had a chance to say goodbye to their loved one reported better grieving outcomes and fewer regrets. Meaningful final conversations—even brief ones—gave families the opportunity to express love, forgiveness, and thanks, all of which supported long-term emotional healing (Scheinfeld et al., 2024).
- Another 2024 study published in Palliative & Supportive Care revealed that family members who participated in end-of-life discussions with their loved ones felt a greater sense of peace and reduced burden in decision-making. They also reported being more open about their own future care preferences as a result (Tuesen et al., 2024).
These studies highlight a truth that families often discover too late: saying goodbye isn’t just a moment of parting—it’s a vital form of healing for both the dying and the living
Palliative care physician Dr. Kathryn Mannix adds:
“There’s a danger that we leave it to the last moments and wait for the Hollywood last awakening where the person wakes up and [says], ‘I loved you all along.’ And that doesn’t happen… Lots of people [feel] very disappointed.”
— Dr. Kathryn Mannix, Financial Times that families often discover too late: saying goodbye isn’t just a moment of parting—it’s a vital form of healing for both the dying and the living.
What Is Hospice Care?
Hospice care is specialized medical support for individuals diagnosed with terminal conditions who have chosen comfort care over curative treatment. It prioritizes symptom management, emotional well-being, and dignity at the end of life.
Care is typically provided at home, in a facility, or within a hospital by a team that may include:
- Doctors and nurses
- Social workers and chaplains
- Counselors and trained hospice volunteers
In fact, nearly 50% of Medicare decedents in the U.S. received at least one day of hospice care before passing, according to the National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization’s most recent figures (NHPCO, 2024).
How to Say Goodbye in a Way That Feels Meaningful
What Are the Most Important Things to Say Before Someone Dies?
Say what matters most. Research shows that expressing love, forgiveness, and gratitude helps bring emotional closure to both the dying and their loved ones. Consider saying:
- “I love you”
- “Thank you”
- “I’m sorry”
- “I forgive you”
- “Goodbye”
Even if you’re unsure of the perfect words, a sincere, heartfelt message is what counts most.
- Be Present in the Moment
You don’t need perfect words. Holding a hand, sitting quietly, or simply being near your loved one can be the most comforting form of communication.
Tip: If you’re unsure, you might ask, “Is there anything on your mind today?” or “Would you like to talk about anything?” - Use Transformative Phrases
As highlighted by both hospice professionals and end-of-life researchers, five simple phrases carry deep emotional power:- “I love you”
- “Thank you”
- “I forgive you”
- “Please forgive me”
- “Goodbye”
Even if your loved one is unconscious, remember: hearing is often the last sense to fade.
- Reassure Them
The dying may feel concerned about the family they’re leaving behind. If possible, reassure them:“We’re going to be okay. You can rest now.”This message can ease anxiety and give them permission to let go, which many hospice professionals call “the final gift.” - Share Memories and Gratitude
Recalling stories, holidays, and small daily rituals can help your loved one feel remembered and valued. It also grounds your goodbye in shared joy.
What If I Can’t Be There in Person?
Even if you cannot be physically present, your goodbye still matters. Use phone or video calls when possible. Ask hospice staff to assist in setting up a call. If your loved one is nonverbal or unconscious, your words may still be heard and felt.
You can also:
- Write a letter to be read aloud
- Record a voice message
- Hold a personal goodbye ritual at home
“I love you. I’m thinking of you. Thank you for everything.” If you cannot be there in person, a phone or video call still matters. Ask a nurse or hospice aide to assist with placing the call.
Even if your loved one is nonverbal or unresponsive, your voice can still offer comfort. Say what you need to say. They may hear you.
“I love you. I’m thinking of you. Thank you for everything.”
What If I Miss the Chance to Say Goodbye?
It’s not uncommon to feel guilt if you weren’t able to say goodbye. But grief experts remind us: love, connection, and care are expressed over a lifetime—not just at the end.
Consider writing your loved one a letter, talking to them in spirit, or creating a small ritual in their memory. These symbolic gestures can bring emotional closure.
Support for Caregivers and Families
Caregivers also need time and space to grieve. A 2023 study in Omega: Journal of Death and Dying revealed that direct care workers—those closest to the patient—experienced significant emotional strain when they were expected to quickly move on without grieving. Personal rituals and goodbyes helped mitigate their distress and improve long-term well-being (Wladkowski et al., 2023).
Families should also allow themselves space to grieve before and after death. Hospice bereavement services, grief counseling, and informal rituals can all be valuable tools for healing.
Frequently Asked Questions
- What should I say to someone who is dying?
The most meaningful things to say are often simple: “I love you,” “Thank you,” “I forgive you,” and “Please forgive me.” Expressing these sentiments brings emotional peace and closure. - Can people in hospice still hear me if they’re unresponsive?
Yes. Hearing is typically the last sense to go. Speak to them as if they can hear you, even if they cannot respond. Your words still matter. - How do I say goodbye if I can’t be there in person?
Use phone or video calls whenever possible. Ask hospice staff to help. If that’s not an option, consider writing a letter, creating a ritual, or recording a message to be shared. - What if I don’t know what to say?
You don’t need to have the perfect words. Just being present, holding their hand, or sitting quietly can be incredibly meaningful. - How can I support myself after saying goodbye?
Reach out to hospice bereavement services, talk to a grief counselor, or join a support group. Take time to rest, reflect, and care for your own emotional needs.
Printable Checklist: How to Say Goodbye to a Loved One in Hospice
Use this guide to help navigate your farewell in a supportive and thoughtful way:
Before the Visit:
- Reflect on what you’d like to say (love, thanks, forgiveness)
- Bring comforting items: photos, music, letters
- Coordinate timing with hospice staff if needed
During the Visit or Call:
- Be present and calm
- Hold their hand or offer physical closeness (if appropriate)
- Say simple, meaningful phrases
- “I love you”
- “Thank you”
- “I forgive you”
- “Please forgive me”
- “Goodbye”
- Share a cherished memory
- Reassure them: “You can rest now. We’ll be okay.”
If You Can’t Be There in Person:
- Arrange a phone or video call
- Write a letter or email to be read aloud
- Record a message if appropriate
Afterward:
- Take time to grieve
- Speak with a hospice bereavement counselor
- Lean on family, friends, and support groups
Print and keep this checklist nearby to help you through one of life’s most sacred transitions.
At Opal Cremation, we support families through every stage of end-of-life care. Whether you’re planning ahead or need help urgently, we offer affordable, compassionate cremation services with no hidden fees.
We understand the emotional weight of this time, and we’re honored to help carry it with you.
Call us at 1-888-963-2299 or contact us online for 24/7 support.
Helpful links:
Hospice Resources from Opal Cremation
Final Thoughts: Saying Goodbye Is a Gift
Goodbyes are never easy—but they can be beautiful. They help us express love, ease regrets, and carry memories forward.
Whether you’re at the bedside, on the phone, or writing a letter, what matters most is this: your presence, your love, and your courage to speak from the heart.
Saying goodbye is not the end of love. It’s how we honor it.