How to Write an Obituary

Tips for writing an unforgettable tribute for your deceased loved one.

Courtesy of Opal Cremation of Southern California

There is no one way to write an obituary. However, there are some must-have elements, such as core facts, life story basics, personal touches, family mentions, and service details. Other than that, it can be elegant, funny, or emotional.

Key Takeaways

• Writing an obituary can be a daunting task, but it becomes easier when you start by including the core elements. From there, you can make the obituary funny, elegant, or emotional.
• The process typically starts with basic facts. Then, depending on the length, you can add biographical information, personal stories, and memorial service details.
• When writing an obituary, it’s important to consider how the person would like to be remembered. Write in the present tense and convert it to the past tense later. Remember, this is a heavy task, so give yourself grace.

Table of Contents

• Who Writes an Obituary?
• What Core Facts Should You Include in an Obituary?
• What Is the Step-by-Step Process for Obituary Writing?
• Opal Cremation Supports Grieving Families in Los Angeles and Orange County
• FAQs
• Additional Resources

Introduction

Courtesy of Opal Cremation of Southern California

When we leave this world, we leave behind the story of our lives. But telling that story in an obituary can be a daunting task for Los Angeles and Orange County families, especially while your head is swimming with grief. How can you possibly sum up a person’s life and death in a few paragraphs?

You can start by following basic guidelines. While there are some traditional elements to writing an obituary, such as including core facts, family mentions, and service details, the important thing is to capture your loved one’s essence.

If the deceased loved to laugh and cause trouble, their obituary might be full of humor and pizzazz. But others may prefer to take a simpler, more elegant approach.

Whatever you decide, there are essential points you’ll want to convey. Here is a step-by-step guide to writing an unforgettable tribute to someone in your life who has passed away.

Who Writes an Obituary?

Typically, the obituary is written by a close family member, such as an adult child or a spouse. However, it can also be written by:

• Funeral Homes: Some funeral homes offer obituary writing as part of their services.
• Professional Obituary Writers: Los Angeles and Orange County families who are struggling may hire a professional to write the article.
• Newspaper Staff Journalists: These professionals typically write obituaries for celebrities to be printed in the paper.
• The Deceased Themselves: Sometimes, the deceased will write their own obituary before they pass.

Curious how direct cremation works and why it gives families more flexibility? See our Los Angeles cremation services page for more details.

What Core Facts Should You Include in an Obituary?

While obituaries take different shapes and forms, they typically include key elements, such as:

Core Facts

• Full name (including maiden name or nicknames if relevant)
• Age at the time of death
• Date of death
• City or state of residence (and sometimes place of death)

Life Story Basics:

• Date and place of birth
• Parents’ names (especially if predeceased)
• Education- schools attended, degrees achieved
• Career: Jobs held
• Military service, if applicable

Personal Touches

• Hobbies, passions, causes they cared about
• Personality traits or defining qualities
• A meaningful anecdote that captures who they were
• Awards, honors, and community involvement

Family

• Spouse
• Children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren
• Siblings and parents
• Sometimes pets

Service Details

• Date, time, and location

Closing Elements

• Suggested donations to make in lieu of flowers (if applicable)
• A favorite quote or another closing line

How Long Should an Obituary Be?

Obituaries can vary in length, ranging from 50 words to 1000 words or more, as follows:

• Short Basic Notice: 50-150 words: Just the core facts (name, dates, survivors, service info). This is common with newspaper space that is purchased by the word or line.
• Standard Obituary: 200- 400 words: The most common length, with room for a short bio, career highlights, and family details.
• Longer, Detailed Obituary: 500- 1,000 words: Used when families want to include more personal life details or fuller career history, or if it’s for a notable community leader.
• Tribute Style or Life Story: 1,000+ words: Less common but used online for memorial websites and personal legacy pages when there’s less space constraint and the family wants something closer to a eulogy.

According to Choice Mutual, 58% of people surveyed said they would want their loved one to create a digital memorial for them, favoring longer, more detailed formats.

Obituary Lengths at a Glance

What Is the Step-by-Step Process for Obituary Writing?

To write an obituary, you should start with the facts, add biographical elements, and write in the past tense. This section will outline the step-by-step process in detail.

1. Start with the Facts

Based on core facts, here’s how a simple opening sentence might sound.

On Tuesday, January 5th, Jane Smith, loving wife and mother of three children and six grandchildren, passed away at the age of 87.

2. Add Biographical Information

In this section, you can discuss when and where the deceased was born, where they went to school and worked, their accomplishments, and their family members. A simple approach would look something like this:

Jane was born in Phoenix, Arizona, on March 22, 1934, to Mary and Bob Johnson. She received her degree in literature from Arizona State University in 1967 and went on to write two best-selling novels. On April 15th, 1968, Jane married Juan Martinez. They raised two daughters, Anna and Hannah, and one son, Henry. Jane has six grandchildren: Beth, Pierre, George, Sam, Lily, Sophie, and Teddy.

3. Write in the Present Tense

Before you start writing about the personal story of your loved one, here’s a tip to make it easier. Journalist Emma Goss has written obituaries for just about everyone, from celebrities to members of her community. She recommends writing about your loved one in the present tense to help you connect with them.

Or, she says, you can write it in letter form, as if you’re writing to their wife, best friend, or sibling, with some uplifting information about their loved one. You can change it to the past tense later.

4. Incorporate Personal Stories

According to NewDeaths, modern obituaries tend to emphasize the person over a formulaic list of facts, allowing their loved one’s essence to shine through. Talk about what they loved, their hobbies, interests, and their personality, like your uncle’s love for fly fishing, or your grandmother’s zest for martial arts. Share their favorite jokes.

Here’s a lighthearted example of a personal touch in an obit about a 94-year-old woman, Mary “Pat” Stocks, written by her son, Sandy:

“She believed in overcooking everything until it chewed like rubber… If anyone would like a copy of her homemade gravy recipe, we would suggest you don’t. She liked four-letter words as much as she loved her rock garden, and trust us, she LOVED to weed that garden with us as her helpers, when child labor was legal, or so we were told.”

5. Consider How They’d Want to Be Remembered

We know that the obituary is a message to surviving friends and family. But it’s important to consider the way your loved one would like to be remembered. If there is something you know they were proud of, share it with the same level of enthusiasm.

For example, if your cousin loves model airplanes, talk about his epic collection. These little details will help friends and family connect with the deceased.

6. Sincerity Is Key

Whether your loved one was a serious scholar or an old prankster, it’s important to tailor their obituary to their unique situation. If a death occurs under tragic circumstances, it’s okay to keep it brief and informative.

Not every obituary has to be clever or funny. Sometimes, a few sincere lines containing the pertinent information are all that is needed. Ultimately, it comes down to what you and your family feel comfortable sharing.

Clearly, Monique Heller didn’t hold back when she wrote an obituary for her father, Joe Heller, which was lauded as “The Best Obituary Ever” by the New York Times. Here’s an excerpt:

Joe Heller made his last undignified and largely irreverent gesture on September 8, 2019, signing off on a life, in his words, “generally well-lived and with few regrets.”

Besides his beloved wife, Irene, and brother, Bobby, Joe was predeceased by his pet fish, Jack, whom we found in the freezer last week. Left to squabble over his vast fortune, real estate holdings, and “treasures” are his three daughters…

7. Memorial Service Details

If you are having a public funeral or memorial service, you’ll want to include the details so friends and family can attend. Southern California offers a wide range of venues for memorial services, from intimate gathering spaces to beautiful outdoor settings. Include the location details clearly so out-of-town guests can plan accordingly.

This can be straightforward. Something like:

A funeral service will be held on Sunday, May 3rd, 2020, at St. Joe’s Church at 1234 Main St. at 10:00 am. In lieu of flowers, please send donations to St. Joe’s Children’s Fund.

8. Give Yourself Grace

Organizing services and writing an obituary are not easy things to do while you are grieving. It may help to write in small sections and take breaks. After you feel rested, you can read, edit, revise, and add more.

Remember, it doesn’t have to be perfect. If you find yourself stuck, start with the basic information. As you remember stories about your loved one, jot them down.

And don’t be afraid to ask for help. Reach out to your friends and family members to see if they have any fond memories they’d like to share. An obituary is just one of the many ways you, your friends, and your family will honor the memory of the deceased.

Don’t worry if you can’t find the perfect words. The memories will live on and continue to be shared long after the obituary has been written. So, give yourself grace and take good care of yourself during this difficult time.

Opal Cremation Supports Grieving Families in Los Angeles and Orange County

At Opal Cremation, we simplify the end-of-life process so you can focus on what matters most, whether that be writing an obituary, planning a celebration of life, or spending quiet times with loved ones.

Opal provides Los Angeles and Orange County families with a straightforward, compassionate, and direct cremation service , along with specialized resources to help during a difficult time. Contact us to learn more about our services throughout Southern California.

FAQs

How soon after death should an obituary be written?

An obituary is typically written days after a death, allowing time for people to learn about the memorial services. However, there are no strict deadlines, and many families wait if grief is an obstacle or if they are gathering stories from family members.

Can I write my own obituary in advance?

Yes, and this is becoming increasingly common among people who want to control how they are remembered or reduce the burden on family members. A pre-written obituary can always be updated by loved ones to include details such as the memorial service and the date and time of death.

Do I need to include the cause of death?

No, it is not necessary to include the cause of death in an obituary, and many families choose not to do so in cases of sudden, sad circumstances. However, if you decide to include it, a phrase such as “passed away after a long illness” is generally acceptable.

What’s the difference between an obituary and a death notice?

A death notice is a brief, factual announcement (often just name, dates, and service details), usually charged by the line in a newspaper. An obituary is longer and tells the story of the person’s life, including their personality, accomplishments, and family.

Do I need permission to write someone’s obituary?

Generally, no, you don’t need permission to write someone’s obituary, but it’s best to coordinate with close family members to ensure the obituary reflects a shared understanding of the one’s personality. The approach can also prevent duplicate or conflicting versions from being published.

Additional Resources

• How to Process Grief- 5 Important Things to Know
• How to Plan an Unforgettable Celebration of Life In Southern California
• What Is Direct Cremation? A Guide for California Families

Sources

1. National Funeral Directors Association. “Americans Choosing Cremation at Historic Rates, NFDA Report Finds.” https://nfda.org/news/media-center/nfda-news-releases/id/9772/americans-choosing-cremation-at-historic-rates-nfda-report-finds
2. National Funeral Directors Association. “NFDA Releases 2025 Cremation & Burial Report: Comprehensive Insights to Guide the Future of Funeral Service.” https://nfda.org/news/in-the-news/nfda-news/id/9787/nfda-releases-2025-cremation-burial-report-comprehensive-insights-to-guide-the-future-of-funeral-service
3. National Funeral Directors Association. “NFDA Media Center: Press Resources & News.” https://www.nfda.org/media-center/
4. Choice Mutual. “Death Positivity and End-of-Life Conversations in America: 2026 Survey.” https://choicemutual.com/original-research/funeral-preferences-2026/
5. New Deaths. “Obituary Trends 2025: How Memorial Notices Are Evolving.” https://newdeaths.com/2025/11/04/emerging-trends-in-obituaries-and-memorial-notices-2025/
6. com. “How Much Do Digital and Newspaper Obituaries Cost? 2025–2026 Price Ranges and Ways to Save.” https://funeral.com/blogs/the-journal/how-much-do-digital-and-newspaper-obituaries-cost-2025-2026-price-ranges-and-ways-to-save