How to Support a Loved One With Cancer
Many people wonder how to support a loved one with cancer. This potentially terminal disease can change relationship dynamics, making things difficult for everyone involved. But with the right approach, you will find a solution that demonstrates a deep sense of connection, even in the most challenging times.
Table of Contents
- Introduction
- How to Support a Loved One with Cancer
- What Not to Do When a Loved One Has Cancer
- Consider Preplanning
- FAQs
- Additional Resources
Key Takeaways
- Dealing with a loved one with cancer is not easy. Knowing the right things to say and offering help when needed is vital.
- Key support areas include helping with transportation and childcare, and providing food and items that support comfort.
- Friends and family should also know what not to say to a person with cancer and avoid stigmatizing the illness.
- Conversations about death can be sensitive, but don’t necessarily need to be avoided. For example, some people may feel comforted to have preplanning in place.
- Opal assists with preplanning and offers resources on how to help sick relatives and deal with grief.
Introduction
When your loved one is diagnosed with cancer, Los Angeles and Orange County families might go through a variety of emotions, including shock, fear, and confusion. You may wonder, What can I do to help? How can I support a loved one with cancer? Many people feel helpless in this situation since they can’t fix it.
However, you may not realize the value of your love and support. A 2021 study reveals that cancer patients who don’t have social support experience higher depression levels, higher scores on all symptom scales, and lower scores on overall quality of life. Just being there means a lot.
This article will provide guidance on how to support a loved one with cancer, ensuring everyone maintains a ‘positive-as-possible’ attitude during this trying time.
How to Support a Loved One with Cancer
Supporting a loved one with cancer requires being there for them physically and mentally. Here’s how you can help.
Let Them Lead the Way
You may want to take the reins and ask a million questions, but the best course of action is to allow your friend or loved one to lead the way. Check in with them, but give them space to come to you. One of the most important things you can do is listen to their thoughts and feelings during this time.
For example, you can give them space to guide you by saying:
- “I don’t know exactly what to say, but please know how much I care.”
- “What can I do for you?”
- “I’m here if you want to talk.”
“Supporting a loved one who has cancer may include simply being available for them in their own special way. Ask them ‘How can I be there for you?”
Dorothea Braxton, Cancer Care Navigator at Portland’s Adventist Health, from the article “Supporting a Loved One with Cancer”
Provide Food and Sustenance
Food’s often the first thing people turn to when something bad happens. And there’s a reason: besides providing strength and energy, it can greatly comfort people. Sending gift cards, scheduling food delivery for healthy meals from SoCal Fresh Delivery, or even making homemade meals yourself can be a great way to show support. You can also enlist other friends to help you assemble a meal train where each friend takes a day to provide food.
Check in with your loved one about what food is best for them (chemotherapy may affect their taste) and find out if they have any food restrictions. Also, when delivering food, be considerate and avoid causing an interruption, since they might be resting or feeling unwell.
Cancer patients may have a limited appetite. It’s best to provide meals high in calories and nutrients so they can get the most out of small servings. You may also consider meals that are easy to eat and swallow, especially if they have trouble swallowing.
Transportation to and From Appointments
It might seem mundane, but driving your loved one to and from doctor appointments can help immensely. Even if they have someone to help, offer to be available for backup.
In any event, having someone to drive is a huge relief. They won’t have to worry about getting there or parking, and will have someone to talk to on the way there.
If they’d rather not have someone they know drive them, or if no one is available to drive them, you can also schedule transportation to the hospital via Health Services of Los Angeles County. These services are covered under L.A. Care and Health Net.
Help Facilitate a Home Cleaning Service During Cancer Treatment
Housecleaning can be difficult for cancer patients. They may be too weak to clean or too caught up in their illness to think of cleaning. But a dirty house can lead to a depressed mood and can even increase health risks.
Consider volunteering to clean or hiring a cleaning service like Los Angeles Housecleaners. It will lift a burden off their shoulders so they can concentrate on recovering.
Gather the Squad
As mentioned before, studies show that the best way to support a loved one with cancer is to be a strong support system. One of the ways you can do this is to gather your loved one’s friends to help out, like creating a gift basket to fill their anticipated needs. For example, chemo and radiation can cause dry skin, so you can ask friends to provide lotions, soft socks, chapstick, and thick moisturizing socks to help your loved one. Since chemo also affects taste, you can also ask for mints and lollipops, or you can also put together stuff to pass the time, like magazines and word puzzles.
Help With Childcare
Another way you can help is to offer to watch your loved one’s kids while they go to appointments (or even if they just want a night out!). It’s a simple thing you can do, but it’s something that they’ll really appreciate. Or if you can’t watch their kids (because maybe you’re doing one of the above activities), you could hire childcare for them. Care.com is a Los Angeles caregiving service that matches fully-screened caregivers with families.
Don’t Make Everything About Cancer
If there are opportunities to do things that your loved one might find fun, then do them! Help them live with no regrets and enjoy life to the fullest. Not everything has to be about cancer, and it’s important not to define their life by that. Go shopping, get coffee together. Do things that you’d normally do. It not only makes things feel normal, but it is also a helpful distraction.
Summary of How to Support a Loved One with Cancer
| Support Strategy | Details |
| Let them lead the way | Let your loved one know you are there for them and they can call on you when they need to |
| Provide Food & Sustenance | Provide homemade meals or order food delivery services |
| Assist with Transportation | Offer to drive your loved one to doctors’ appointments and other destinations or arrange for transportation services |
| Facilitate Home Cleaning | Offer to help with household chores or consider hiring a cleaning service |
| Put Together a Gift Basket | The gift basket should include things a cancer patient needs most like ChapStick for dry lips and peppermint to reduce nausea |
| Help with Childcare | Offer to watch their children if they feel tired or want to get out of the house, or hire a babysitting service |
| Engage in Normal Activities | Engaging in normal activities ensures you don’t stigmatize the illness |
| Care for Yourself Too | You won’t be useful to anyone if you’re not healthy. Eat a nutritious diet and engage in stress-relieving activities to ensure you’ll be ready when your loved one needs you most |
What Not to Do When a Loved One Has Cancer
It’s important to know what to say and how to act when a loved one has cancer. Similarly, here are some things you should not say or do:
- Tell Them You Know How They Feel: Telling loved ones you know how they feel or comparing them to others can make them feel like you are minimizing their problem, as if it’s unimportant.
- Recognizing Braveness: Many people tell loved ones they are brave or strong in their fight, which can be troubling if that’s not how they feel.
- Reassuring Them About Their Health: Statements like “I’m sure you’ll be fine” can also trivialize the illness.
- Putting Them at Fault: Don’t point out things like smoking and diet as a cause of their illness.
- Stigmatizing the Illness: Avoid stigmatizing the illness by treating them as helpless, not including them in your plans, or making cancer part of their identity.
Consider Preplanning
Everyone wants to have a positive attitude when cancer rears its ugly head. However, Los Angeles and Orange County families may want to have a preplanning discussion with your loved one.
Many cancer patients are concerned about what will happen to their family in a worst-case scenario, but may not want to talk about it. Opening that door for them may provide relief.
Preplanning does more than relieve the burden on loved ones’ shoulders. It can also help you avoid financial stress.
Many cremation companies take advantage of families’ emotional states and lack of knowledge about the funeral industry, and charge excessive fees. While this can happen anytime, these fees are more likely to slip through the cracks when families are upset and need to plan arrangements quickly.
Preplanning allows you to compare options and review the services included so you don’t overpay.
Opal Can Help with Preplanning Needs
When you’re ready to have that conversation, we hope you’ll call Opal first. We offer direct cremation in Los Angeles, Orange County, and throughout Southern California, the most straightforward and affordable cremation. There is no service beforehand, but many people choose to celebrate life at some point in the future.
Opal stands out from other providers because we offer truly all-inclusive packages. Unlike many competitors, we never tack on hidden fees, adding to emotional upset during grief. We quote the price you’ll pay- and preplanning locks in those prices, reducing the financial burden on families.
Our care team is ready to take your call and guide you through the options 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Check out our support center for more information, where you’ll find a list of cremation FAQs as well as other helpful resources. Contact us to learn more about our at-need and pre-need services today.
FAQS
What is the 7-day rule for cancer patients?
The 7-day rule sets a 5-day schedule for chemotherapy with 2 days of rest. It ensures there is enough chemo in the body to fight cancer.
What do cancer patients need most?
Cancer patients need emotional support, practical help with meals and transportation, and comfort measures to manage their physical side effects. Asking them directly what they need may be the most pragmatic approach.
What is the 62-day rule for cancer?
The 62-day rule requires that at least 85% of patients with an urgent referral for cancer begin treatment within 62 days from the moment a medical professional provides a diagnosis.
